As you may have already noticed, I've revamped the blog. It still said I was in Germany, so I figured while I was busy changing that, I would update everything else. Including the background, which is an honorary summer theme.
Erik and I moved to Idaho Falls this summer for an incredible internship opportunity he was offered. While it is so incredible, it reminds me of how much I don't enjoy change.
This may shock many, since it seems that at times I am the Queen of Change. I change my hair color, my nails, my entire wardrobe, my diet, my opinions, my outlook on life. However, while I do make these drastic changes, it doesn't always sit well with me. Moving is my least favorite thing to do and I've done that, what feels like, a dozen times. But every time I feel uprooted, vulnerable, alone.
What I find the oddest thing is that I usually bring this on myself. I make a move when it isn't entirely necessary. It makes me wonder if change is something that is done to prove yourself, show that you're a tough person, not stuck in one way of life and possess the ability to be flexible and open-minded.
I've spent many years trying to play it tough. The last year or so has had me realizing how not so tough I really am. I am hurt by the actions of others, hurt by my own actions, hurt by too much. I regret decisions I have made so I would look tough, as though I didn't care. I regret changes I made that weren't necessary, that wounded not only myself but others.
But... in the spirit of change, I am choosing to move forward, move ahead.