Changes

As you may have already noticed, I've revamped the blog.  It still said I was in Germany, so I figured while I was busy changing that, I would update everything else.  Including the background, which is an honorary summer theme.

Erik and I moved to Idaho Falls this summer for an incredible internship opportunity he was offered.  While it is so incredible, it reminds me of how much I don't enjoy change.

This may shock many, since it seems that at times I am the Queen of Change.  I change my hair color, my nails, my entire wardrobe, my diet, my opinions, my outlook on life.  However, while I do make these drastic changes, it doesn't always sit well with me. Moving is my least favorite thing to do and I've done that, what feels like, a dozen times.  But every time I feel uprooted, vulnerable, alone.

What I find the oddest thing is that I usually bring this on myself.  I make a move when it isn't entirely necessary.  It makes me wonder if change is something that is done to prove yourself, show that you're a tough person, not stuck in one way of life and possess the ability to be flexible and open-minded.

I've spent many years trying to play it tough.  The last year or so has had me realizing how not so tough I really am.  I am hurt by the actions of others, hurt by my own actions, hurt by too much.  I regret decisions I have made so I would look tough, as though I didn't care.  I regret changes I made that weren't necessary, that wounded not only myself but others.

But... in the spirit of change, I am choosing to move forward, move ahead.